Friday, March 09, 2007

Pregnancy

These past few days have been really dramatic because I thought that I was loosing the baby. It all started on Wednesday night when it felt as if my water broke! I bled all night and wrestled with God in prayer. I cried out to Him saying "You can't ask me to give up this baby! I love it." And I felt as though God spoke back to my heart saying "I know you love your baby, but I love your baby more than you can imagine, besides I already gave up my beloved child for you, will you submit to me? Will you abandon your will to mine?" And so I put my baby on the alter, like Isaac, and prayed for a ram to appear in the thickets.
The next morning I told Daniel "something's wrong with my pregnancy" and we discussed what should be done. Waiting for the doctor's office to open was like waiting for a week! We told the girls what was going on and they prayed for their baby brother or sister and for mommy. That was one of the most difficult prayer time I've ever experienced.
Going to my OB's office we listened to Matt Redmond's CD "Beautiful News" it's deep trust in God, and the desire to praise Him no matter what circumstances, come through in every song. My favorite song is "You Never Let Go"
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even when I'm caught
in the middle of the storms of this life,
I won't turn back, I know You are near.
And I will fear no evil,
For my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go,
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go,
In every high and every low
O no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me.

And I can see a light
that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare.
And there will be an end
to these troubles, But until that day comes,
We'll live to know You here on the earth.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on,
And there will be an end to these troubles,
but until that day comes,
Still I will praise You,still I will praise You

So we get to the OB's office and wait and wait and it feels like the weigt of inevitability is sinking me down, down and I'm afraid to let the spark of hope even continue to flicker. But then our appointment goes well - we even hear a strong healthy heartbeat! We set up an appointment for an ultrasound on Thursday.
By Thursday morning my bleeding is completely gone and the ultrasound shows a healthy, active little baby dancing in my womb, though I still can't feel it.
I feel as though I have recieved this child back from the dead! We celebrated with pizza and a movie (Daniel & I watched Marie Antoinette, one I've been wanting to see for a long time - it was completely horrible.) We are SO thankful that everything is back to "normal" and I am filled with appreciation for the normal pregnancies that I've had in the past and am just overflowing with gratitude for my three precious children! Praise the Lord! He has been SO good to me!
I am also very thankful that I've not been put on bedrest! We move in about a week and I've got SO much packing to do!! More about that another day.

1 comment:

Kristen said...

I am so glad everything turned out ok. Take care. Be careful. And my prayers are with you. Kristen