Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I'm back!

I am so glad that I went on that blog-fast! I got so much done! I re-arranged our living room furniture, framed some photos and got down the silk flowers from the attic and hung curtains (that made an amazing difference in several key living areas), I also cleaned out a couple of rooms that have been accumulating junk for the past year. I also added by reading list for 2006 to the side bar. I am amazed at what I was able to accomplish this past month! It was also a really great time of seeking the Lord, asking "what are you trying to do?" and I can see him at work! Which is always encouraging, if not comfortable.

Life is more like a symphony than a novel. It’s more than just one word at a time, but rather several notes all at the same time, going in different directions, yet fitting together in perfect harmony. My life has been like that recently. There is a lot going on internally, all at the same time, going in different directions yet fitting together in a harmony that only God can create.
I have been feeling a black hole in my heart, a pain that I have numbed out and built steel walls around to keep from feeling, but that now God is begining to heal. I've named that black hole "spirit of abandonment" though I don't exactly know what it is. Our pastor said last night that for I should be living out the agape unconditional love of God to everyone around me, but I feel so emotionally bankrupt. I think, "how can I love everyone around me until I have learned what it means to be loved by God?" So I have been thinking about the love of God, trying to learn more of what it means to experience His love (see my post: I am Loved!) This morning, after the hurculean effort of getting up early, I began reading in the gospel of John and came to these familiar verses: But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. Who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man but of God. (John 1:12-13) I’ve been meditating on this verse and I wanted to share a couple of thoughts…

One dimension of the love of God means to experience the Fatherhood of God. I have been given the right to become a child of God and have been born of God. I’m not just a member of God’s club, I’m not His employee, I’m His child! And I wasn’t added as part of a jumbo-pack, or bargain basket, I was birthed into His family by the Spirit of God.

As a mother that speaks a lot to me. I know that I’m not just a face in the crowd but I’m known and cared for individually and that I am an important part of the whole family. I have birthed three children in four years but even if I’d birthed twice as many in half the time I would love each of them separately, specially, and I am but a finite, sinful, selfish creature! God is infinite and perfectly holy. His love never fails, it never changes. God says that as His child I am precious to him (Is 43:4) that I am his treasured possession (Deut 7:7) that He keeps me as the apple of His eye (Ps 17:8) and delights in me (Ps 18:19) God says that I am hidden under the shadow of His wings (Ps 36:7) He bore me on eagles wings and brought me to Himself (Ex 19:4-6) That His heart longs to gather His children under His wings like a hen (Matt 23:37) God says that His love for me is an everlasting love (Jer 31:3) and that He has called me by my name (Is 43:1)

All of you
is more than enough for
all of me
for every thirst and
ever need
you satisfy me
with your love
and all I have in you is
more than enough!
- Chris Tomlin “More than Enough”

1 comment:

a suburban housewife said...

Yay, Faith!! We missed you in the blogosphere. Welcome back.